Monster, Hollow,God, It doesn't matter, they all get ONE PUNCHED
by Writey the Writer
Summary: In which Saitama finds himself in a strange new city after shopping in City G. As he walks on he finds a Kitsune like man, a well endowed woman and a weird butterfly monster with a god complex as large as he is bald! Naturally he solves the Monster problem just like he solves ALL monster problems! By punching it... Rated T because of slight cursing/sexual innuendos and the such :)


**Monster? Hollow? God? It doesn't matter, they all get ONE PUNCHED**

**Bleach and OPM do not belong to me, they belong to Tite Kubo and ONE respectively**

* * *

Saitama was quite confused.

One minute he had been grocery shopping in City G, accompanied by his two new…pets… and the next he was standing in the middle of a city, a very demolished city.

_'__This doesn't look like City G…maybe this is City X? I've never been there before, though I wonder what monster did this' _the bald hero thought haphazardly.

Deciding to do his job, Saitama lazily sauntered through the city, following the path of destruction as the flames roared around the bald hero. Maybe this monster would put up a good fight before it died…just maybe.

* * *

Ichimaru Gin was currently bleeding out on the side of the road, not that this was surprising. He had always imagined he would die like this…even though he wished he had died after fulfilling his libido. Hey, what do ya know, Matsumoto was currently crying over his body and he go quite the sight as his ichor flowed out of him, he could die a happy man now.

The smiling man was blinded by a bright shine as he slightly opened his eyes to stare in confusion at perhaps the oddest thing he had ever seen.

And he had spied on the Kurosaki household for YEARS.

A man who had managed to achieve a state of baldness that rivaled or perhaps surpassed that of the 11th Division's 3rd seat, Ikkaku, was walking around in a yellow jump suit, red boots and gloves, with a cape that reminded the former 3rd Division captain of the Quincy.

Said man walked over to the crying man and proceeded to confuse him even further.

"Wow…the monster must have got you bad huh?"

Gin's pale blue would have twitched had he enough strength to do so, he was currently conserving all his strength in the hopeless hope that just _maybe _he'd pull through, as unlikely as it may be.

"No shit…" Gin coughed out, Captain Aizen was a monster indeed, his reply caused Matsumoto to react and notice the bald man and promptly swing her sword in surprise aiming at his head.

Both of Gin's eyes widened in shock as Shikai released zanpakuto shattered at the bald man's neck and said individual didn't even care, as if the VERY fatal sword swing was as dangerous as a gentle wind.

Matsumoto simply gaped, though she was emotionally traumatized as her closest friend/lover bleed out in front of her.

"You know it's rude to swing swords at people like that, if I was anyone else that would have killed me you know" The caped Baldy chastised the well-endowed woman.

"Yes Bald-san" Matsumoto stuttered out.

'Bald-san's' eye promptly twitched at the name.

"My name isn't 'Bald-san' I am Saitama, A Class Hero for Fun!" The hero posed triumphantly.

Gin bet that this guy would get along great with that Don Kanoji guy and the former Teresa Espada's Fraccion, Pesche and Dondochaka.

"Never heard of you" Matsumoto said honestly as she wiped her eyes of tears, Gin felt vaguely offended considering he was dying and the random bald man had caught her attention, would a little respect be too much to ask for?

"Oh…I see" The man in question physically wilted before his normal cartoonish face came back for Gin to scrutinize. And it was CARTOONISH, simple eyes, mouth, nose, even his head looked perfectly egg shaped, "Well which way is the monster"

"You can't beat Aizen!" Matsumoto shouted as she burst into tears, "No one can!"

Gin was inclined to believe Matsumoto, after all hadn't he disintegrated the bastard's torso only for him to brush it off as if it was a minor inconvenience? What could a random, bald, _human _do? Was he human? Was such perfect baldness even humanly possible?

"Lady, I beat monsters for a living this Guy-zen or whatever the hell he is called is my responsibility to deal with"

Gin would have snorted with disbelief if doing so wouldn't have caused him immense amounts of unimaginable pain.

Matsumoto nodded and shakingly pointed towards the direction the megalomaniac with a god complex had walked off to.

"Thanks lady…and Kitsune guy"

Gin felt offended again, though he felt the burning desire to see how this ended before he went on to that great work slacking off haven in the sky…or the other place where he had to listen to his Vice Captain ramble on about responsibility and accountability, he was pretty sure it was called HELL.

He had been for all accounts lucky though, when he had been so brutally skewered by Aizen, he had been holding the Hogyoku. While it was still under Aizen's control, it was still capable of bulking up Gin's defenses enough so he could survive this normally fatal wound.

With a gesture to Matsumoto, he lifted himself up.

"G-Gin?" She asked, surprised that he hadn't bled out while she was distracted by the new comer.

"I got…to see how…this ends" Gin laugh/coughed as he stumbled his way forward before Matsumoto lifted his arm around her shoulders and semi carried him off behind the bald 'hero'.

* * *

Aizen was having a great day all in all.

He had single handedly pawned all the Captains with little to no effort, then he had proceeded to utterly dominate in a fight with Isshin Shiba, Urahara Kisuke, and Yoruichi Shihouin with ease! Even Gin's last attempt at vengeance had been in vain!

He could feel it coming, his ascent to Godhood was near! Nothing could possibly stand in his way of becoming the Soul King now! Not Yamatao! Not Urahara! Not Gin! Not even that brat of a Ryoka, Ichigo Kurosaki!

Aizen hummed a happy little tune as he mercilessly cut down a few soul reapers dumb enough to try and fight the horrifying butterfly man, not that it mattered if they ran, he would have cut them down anyway. Shinigami, Captain or otherwise, were little more than flies to him now!

To his pleasant surprise, Aizen detected the reiatsu of one of Kurosaki Ichigo's friends! If his memory and intel served him correctly, it was one Arisawa Tatsuki. Perhaps he would show Kurosaki once more how powerless he was, it would give him that little ego boost he needed before he ascended to the Heavens and took his rightful place as the one true God, no longer would a living Popsicle be in charge of this egotist, no sir!

As Aizen was about to head towards Arisawa's reiatsu signature, he was interrupted by a voice.

"Excuse me Butterfly-san?"

Aizen turned around with a snarl, only to see the oddest sight he had ever had the unfortunate luck to gaze upon. Gin Ichimaru had apparently survived, albeit barely and was being strung along by one Matsumoto Rangiku, but that wasn't surprising.

What WAS surprising was the bald human in front of them, the one that had the audacity to wear that RIDICULOUS outfit and had the arrogance to address a superior being such as himself as 'Butterfly-san'.

"I am feeling merciful filthy human, kneel before me and perhaps I will let you live"

It was a lie, no one called Aizen the Super Powerful Ultimate Amazing One True God, Butterfly-san, and live to tell the tale.

"First off, that outfit you have is really well made, but its also kinda crappy"

_'__What?'_

"First off, no one dresses up as a butterfly, at least not willingly, so either you're a weirdo or you've got terrible fashion sense"

Aizen's right eye was twitching, while his teeth were straining as he listened to the newly minted A Class Hero ramble on.

"Second off, don't say stuff like that again, I don't swing that way"

Gin was making an odd noise that Aizen just KNEW was laughter, he was going to suffer for that, he'd kill Rangiku in front of him for this affront to the holiness that was Aizen! Maybe when this was done he would create his own Religion, Aizen-ism or something of the sort.

"And even if I did, I need some time to be in a relationship before we get to _that _stage, even then maybe I'm not into that kind of thing, did you think about that? Especially in public, with two people watching from behind me, especially the one with the perverted smile"

The self-proclaimed God realized that the pathetic human's earlier statement was COMPLETELY serious! He actually thought that a superior being such as himself would consort with a bald weirdo he had just met, preposterous!

"Die before the one TRUE God you fool, Hado #90, Kurohitsugi!" Aizen shouted, chuckling maniacally. Gin and Matsumoto managed to dive bomb out of the way, causing Gin's wounds to be stimulated into reopening slightly.

The dark black and purple energy surrounded the bald man by becoming a towering energy construct that soon obscured the hero from view. Aizen sighed with relief as he imagined the annoying bald insect being brutally torn apart every which way by his favorite Kido spell.

This dream of his was shattered as surely as sure as Kyoka Suigestu's release and Aizen was left to gape in a mix of confusion, horror, and perhaps a slight bit of fear, though this was quickly shaken off as the megalomaniac proceeded to swing his blade at the bane of his existence. It proceeded to copy the action of Matsumoto's own zanpakuto and shatter as soon as it smashed into the bald man's neck.

Gin and Matsumoto were of one mind as they saw a random bald man face off with ease against a foe who had single handedly defeated the Gotei 13 with little effort on his part, they were in utter disbelief.

As Gin and Matsumoto gaped at Saitama, Aizen Sosuke noticed something he had failed to before, and it only built on his growing dread at whatever being he had engaged in combat with, for it could not be a human could it? He sensed no spiritual pressure from this…Saitama. None whatsoever, as if he was a non-living object or even dead.

Aizen quickly guessed that this man somehow changed his reiatsu into pure physical strength, for that was the only way that this could have happened…but a nagging suspicion stayed in his mind as Kyoka Suigetsu regenerated and the bald man passively waited as Aizen began to slam Hado after Hado, throwing in Bakudos in the hope of confusing this, this _monster_.

When Aizen had evolved into his current form, the Shinigami had not been able to sense his reiatsu, similar to how a 2 dimensional object cannot comprehend a 3 dimensional one, if that was the case, was this bald man somehow like a 4 dimensional being? The nagging suspicion in Aizen's mind was replaced with pure unadulterated fury, the thought of a mere HUMAN surpassing him was simply absurd, it was IMPOSSIBLE.

In that moment Aizen's ego trumped his logical mind and the Hogyoku responded, sending of a pillar of reiatsu that split the heavens and drew the attention of the defeated Shinigami. Aizen's neck snapped with a CRACK before a third eye opened in his skull, he hunched over as several tentacle like wings with faceless mouths at the ends appeared, the pillar that encompassed him turned solid as it broke apart and spilt showering Saitama, Gin, and Matsumoto with Aizen's previous form's blood as a new creature stood up from the epic center of the beam of reiatsu.

Aizen's face promptly split and his skull turned black as it gazed upon Saitama with his pure white eyes, not pupil or iris present in any of his three eyes.

The…_creature _sat up and roared as it flew forward and grabbed Saitama before throwing him into the air and launched an attack (Fragor) that promptly detonated with the A Class Hero in mid-air, the blast having the fallout of nuclear warhead, to an extent that dwarfed even Ulquiorra Cifer's Segunda Etapa's Lanza.

Gin swore and Matsumoto began to tear up in the memory of the very odd bald man that had been far braver then her and challenged the megalomaniac despite not having a prayer of a chance at winning. Aizen was feeling smug, though it was hard to tell considering his final form didn't have the facial structure to smile smugly.

He…no, it…was embarrassed to have been forced into such a state by a mere human, but at last it had evolved past the strange bald enigma! Only then did Aizen once again berate himself and shudder in fear, he STILL could not sense the bald man's reiatsu! Even when he had evolved, he had been far to proud of his power to even bother to examine his foe's reiatsu.

As the flames and smoke cleared, Shinigami, Arrancar, and human alike stared in awe as the smiling bald man stood perfectly fine, with only slightly cooked clothes.

Urahara gaped at the sight, despite his numerous machinations the Candy Shop owner was not prepared for this at all, he wondered if they would need Ichigo to use the Final Getsuga Tenshou at all with this bald tank's appearance.

"Wow that was cool, can you do that again or was that a one-time thing?"

The new demonic Aizen clutched its' fist with barely restrained anger before it flew off with a shockwave that knocked Matsumoto and Gin a good distance away, he grabbed Saitama by the neck and surrounded him with his wing and began to prepare the Ultra-Fragor to destroy his foe.

He launched the attack without mercy before the Bald Hero could reply, the attack hit with such force that the effects could be felt across Soul Society and True Karakura Town.

Aizen was on guard this time though, he had a feeling that…

"Wow, that one was EVEN COOLER, good job cosplayer guy that was a nice one!"

…it wouldn't work. Aizen screamed in rage as the Hogyoku attempted to further its evolution, only to begin to stagnate for the wish requested was an impossibly one, even for the likes of the Hogyoku. To surpass the bald man.

"**Who…no…WHAT are you?" **Aizen roared.

"I'm Saitama, A Class Hero for Fun"

Aizen stared blankly

Urahara was confused as he used his device to eavesdrop on the two titan's conversation.

"**A Hero, don't make me LAUGH, men such as us cannot get our power from laughable ideals such as those of a Hero! The power of the Hogyoku will allow me to surpass all others!**"

"That's dumb"

"**What…?**"

"Rather than making yourself stronger by training and pushing your limits you decided to cheat and find an ease way to get stronger, but in reality people like you can never beat someone like me, someone that pushes their limits to get stronger, no matter how hard or hopeless it seems" Saitama shouted, his words taken in by everyone in Karakura Town.

"Since you've become a monster I guess I've got no choice, that attack of yours showed you are pretty strong!" Saitama exclaimed, "Let me show you what happens when you get in the way of hero when their trying to protect people!"

With that the bald hero flickered out of existence.

_'__Shunpo? No, that wasn't any sort of high speed technique that was raw natural speed!'_

Aizen attempted to turn around, but by then it was too late.

"Consecutive Normal Punches!"

With that Aizen felt his entire upper body be reduced to bloody smithereens though the Hogyoku remained where his largest Hollow hole had been, it almost instantly regenerate Aizen's body back as said egotistical megalomaniac attempted to slash at Saitama with his claws…

Only to miss and hit nothing but air.

"Normal punch"

The single 'normal punch' utterly destroyed Aizen's right arm and right wings, causing him to lower his altitude forcibly. With a slightly shudder of Aizen's limbs, his wings and arm grew back much to Saitama's annoyance, regenerators were the WORST.

"**Foolish human, despite your surprising level of strength, you cannot defeat me for my regeneration is absolute and unparalleled there is nothing in this world that can kill a God such as myself!"**

"Well, I didn't want to do this but I guess I got no choice" Saitama huffed as he finally hit the ground after being launched into the air for Aizen's Fragor.

"_Serious Series:…_"

Aizen felt a cold feeling of dread go down his back as he felt the Hogyoku and his instincts warn him that this next attack would only end one way…

DEATH

He could see it, the red gloves of death coming his way, to think he had been so close to creating his Heaven, only for this bald conundrum to appear and kill him, how sad.

"_SERIOUS PUNCH!"_

The formless, amateaurish form of the bald man as appalling to watch, but the raw amount of air pressure released from the attack, not even the physical punch itself, the _air pressure _blasted Aizen who was promptly disintegrated by the pressure of the attack, the Hogyoku fell to the ground and began to regenerate Aizen at a much slower rate and it brought him back in the form before he became a Butterfly guy.

In the moment the attack had hit, Aizen had briefly glimpsed the reiatsu level of this _monster _in human skin, there was no doubt in Aizen's mind, if there was ever a being who could be called a god (lowercase g not uppercase!) then it would be this man…Buddha.

Aizen fell down before Saitama and began to bend down and bow while muttering something about Buddha.

Gin had taken out his camera, which had somehow survived the amount of suffering Gin had gone through and proceeded to take pictures of his oh so 'perfect' Captain Aizen bowing like a devout follower to a bald man and praising him as Buddha. It would be hilarious if didn't hate the bastard as much as he did, though this made it even more funny in Gin's mind.

"You are powerful indeed Buddha, but behold!" Aizen announced, his Zanpakuto began to break apart, "I am becoming one with my zanpakuto, soon I will surpass even you Buddha!"

"Ok" Saitama replied, giving a thumbs up which was promptly ignore by the now mentally unhinged Aizen.

Said traitorous captain began to laugh maniacally only to be stopped as a red bar of energy came out from his chest followed by others around his body in an almost cross like shape.

"WHAT IS THIS? BUDDHA!"

Saitama held up his hands

"Wasn't me man"

"So the Kido I created has activated"

Aizen, Saitama, Gin, and Matsumoto turned to see the new arrival, Urahara Kisuke.

"This is your doing!"

"That's what he just said" Saitama dead panned, Aizen promptly ignored 'Buddha' as he continued to scream in anger and tried to pull himself out of the Kido.

"WHEN!"

"Earlier, when we were fighting, I used another Kido to distract you as I put this spell on you, it would only activate when you were weak enough though." Urahara calmly explained, "I guessed that once you merged with the Hogyoku you would become nearly invincible, so I created this Bakudo to seal you away."

"Speaking of which" Urahara turned to gaze questioningly at Saitama, "I need to talk with you later about who or WHAT you are and how you were able to beat Aizen"

"I'm Saitama, a professional hero, and how I beat Butterfly Guy over here, I just punched him pretty hard" Saitama replied with an offhanded shrug. Urahara normally wouldn't believe words such as this, an evolved final evolution of Aizen with the Hogyoku who could create attacks that could rival nuclear weaponry in destructive capabilities could not be defeated by a single punch.

But the eyes of the bald hero informed him that this was the truth, which was going to be a headache to explain to the hard headed, narrow minded Captain Commander. Not to mention the newly reinstated Central 46!

"THIS WON'T HOLD ME URAHARA KISUKE!" Aizen laughed, "WATCH AS I EVOLVE AND ESCAPE THIS SILLY BINDING!"

As Aizen concentrated and began to glow blindingly white…he was once again surprised as the light disappeared and his pale white form shattered reverting him back into the form he had from before his Hogyoku fusion.

"I DESPISE YOU SAITAMA, AND YOU TOO URAHARA!" Aizen took a breath as he began started to scream some more only for Saitama to karate chop him into unconsciousness.

"Go to sleep" The bald man said with a silly smile.

Gin Ichimaru simply stared at the bald man with awe, his life long goal to defeat a nigh invincible man with genius level IQ was completed by what appeared to be a bald moron with relatively no effort on said bald moron's part.

Matsumoto simply wondered if the guy was hot, Ikkaku was kinda attractive despite his bald head but this man had to silly of a face, but that chiseled body might make a good cover page for the Shinigami Women's Association magazine.

"…"

For once in his life, Urahara Kisuke was speechless. This bald man, one completely unaccounted for in his plans defeated Aizen easily, yet he couldn't sense any reiatsu from the man, so he must be on a level comparable or perhaps even surpassing that of the murderous madman that was just sealed away. The scientist in Urahara wanted to take the man and find what made him tick.

"You know where the super market is?" Saitama asked, shaking everyone out of their dazes, "I wasted enough time dilly dallying around with the weirdo over there, I've got more important things to do"

Urahara coughed slightly before Gin asked the question on the three Shinigami's minds.

"What's so important that ya need ta go to the 'super market'?" Gin asked.

"There is this sale on ramen and I want to buy as much as I can so I can save the maximum amount of money!" Saitama declared.

Everyone face palmed at the utterly ludicrous ordering of priorities, since when was a sale more important then stopping a genocidal madman? Apparently to Saitama, the answer was always.

**THE END**

* * *

**Author's Note: I was working on the next chapter of Hero X For X Fun and I had a fun little idea come up as I watched reaction's to Aizen VS Ichigo (Final Getsuga version) and Ichigo VS Ulquiorra. Saitama pawned Aizen, especially since the guy couldn't use Kyoka Suigestu anymore! If the reviews, favorites, follows are good I might expand this into a proper side story!**

* * *

**OMAKE: ****Assuming Kurosaki's Sexuality**

Ichigo Kurosaki exited the Dangai with his new hair style and sword only to see all the Shinigami leaving and Urahara using a broom to clean up the debris from a destroyed building.

"Urahara, where is Aizen, I have the power I need to beat that bastard!"

"No need, Ichi-kun, Aizen was already defeated!"

Ichigo turned to see none other than Aizen's right hand man Gin Ichimaru grinning next to him.

As Ichigo prepared to swing his sword, Gin held up his hand and pulled out a white flag.

"I was a double agent Ichi-kun, don't let the lines of war get inbetween our love!"

Ichigo stared at Gin.

Gin stared at Ichigo, before winking. By winking I mean he opened one of his eyes and then shut it again with gusto.

"I thought the Captain Commander would still at least PUNISH you right?" Ichigo asked confused.

"Oh yeah I am, my punishment is to clean up the debris in Real Karakura Town"

"Huh, that doesn't sound so bad"

"Without Kido and only a broom"

"Oh…"

Ichigo turned and pointed to Urahara.

"Why is he here then?"

"He made a perverted comment to Soifon and she assigned him to clean up duty, the Captain Commander approved"

Ichigo sighed, he wasn't even surprised.

"Maa, Kurosaki-san you know that I have the urges that come to every man, don't worry I know that you swing for the other team-"

"What? NO!" Ichigo shouted.

"Really?" Gin and Urahara chorused.

"I LIKE WOMEN YOU ASSHOLES!"

"Surprising considering that you had a woman living in your closet for as long as Rukia did and you never once did anything nasty to her!" Urahara commented.

"I HAVE RESPECT FOR WOMEN, BESIDES RUKIA?"

Gin nodded at this, Rukia may have a petite beauty to her, but she wasn't the kind of person people built alters to and praised her beauty.

"What about that Orihime chick, she was TOTALLY crushing on you and you completely ignored it based on Aizen's reports"

"SHE DOESN"T LIKE ME THAT WAY!" Ichigo screamed, completely ignoring the almost stalker-ish knowledge that Aizen had on the kid.

Gin and Urahara shook their heads in sync at Ichigo's denseness, though Gin was quite glad. He was a total IchiRuki shipper, Matsumoto disagreed and was firmly Ichihime, much to Gin's displeasure.

"Anyway…WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO AIZEN, WASN'T HE COMPLETELY TRASHING YOU GUYS?" Ichigo screamed again.

"Stop screaming!" Urahara whined as he held his hands over his head.

"Some guy as bald as Ikkaku came and beat Aizen with a single punch" Gin said with a shrug of his shoulders, "Urahara's seal came into play and locked him away! Ooooo, that rhymed"

"That's one of your infamous jokes right?" Ichigo asked, "Beating Aizen with one punch seems pretty farfetched"

"Believe it or not Ichi-kun, but it's the truth" Gin replied with a shrug as he move a few bricks with his mop, Urahara nodded in affirmation of the traitor captain's word.

"Don't call me Ichi-kun"

"Ok Ichi-chan"

"Never mind"

Ichigo sat in silence for a minute on a large piece of rubble as Gin and Urahara swept.

"I trained for three months in the Dangai only to come to late to save the day, though I do get to keep my Shinigami powers and this new super overpowered state of my Bankai" Ichigo finally said after a long stretch of silence.

"You know if you really want to make up for missing the chance to fight Aizen…" Gin rambled off.

"What?"

"Pick up a broom and starting sweeping" Urahara finished.

Ichigo stared at the third broom that was conveniently waiting with the rest of the supplies and joined his teacher and his enemy turned acquaintance in sweeping up the debris from the so called epic clash between Aizen and some baldy called Saitama.

**END OMAKE**


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